


little world

by daylightcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s12e09 First Blood, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26752483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daylightcas/pseuds/daylightcas
Summary: Castiel is standing still, chin up, like a soldier that swallows his fear and jumps right into the trench. Castiel is staring at Dean, and even through the tears veiled over his blue eyes, Dean can see the fondness that Castiel looks at him with.He doesn’t want to be this far from Cas any longer.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 92





	little world

**Author's Note:**

> *clears throat* DEAN AND CAS ARE IN LOVE
> 
> this is my first ao3 post and it isn't edited AT ALL but i'm posting it anyway, sorry if it's really Dramatic but they're both gay and i am also gay so what did u expect
> 
> here's my little thank you to neve, i wouldn't have finished this without you <3
> 
> oKAY HERE WE GO

Castiel had killed a reaper without a second thought.

Mary had the gun to her head, ready to sacrifice herself for her sons, ready to end the short time she had spent here to save them, she had just whispered I love you, and then Castiel had stabbed Billie with his blade in a second, without a flinch.

And after it had been done, the angel had faced the people that had made him fall in the first place, he looked them right in the eyes, and told them how much they meant to him, how he wasn’t going to let them leave, and how much the world needed them.

How much he needed them.

Castiel was angry, and he was scared, and his voice shook with it. He was tearing himself apart in agony, and Dean had to force himself to look away.

Dean hadn’t lied about how awful his confinement was. It was worse than any Hell he could’ve been sent to. At least in Hell he had felt something, there had been something to touch, something to have. He had known Sam was safe, back up on Earth, living the life Dean had paid for with his own.

But locked away in that room, with nothing, with nobody, with no way to know what Sam was doing, or if he was even in the room next to him anymore….it was his worst nightmare.

And through all of it, all of that time stuck between four constraining walls, Dean had thought, _You gotta see Cas. He doesn’t know if you’re okay. You need to see him, even if it’s only one more time. You gotta see Cas_.

So Dean watches, now, as Castiel pleads for them to understand, he begs with desperate tears in his eyes, but Dean finds that he can’t. He can’t understand why and how Castiel could care and feel so deeply about him, about any of them, after everything he had been through, after everything Castiel had given up for them. He cannot, after all these years, understand why Castiel remains unwaveringly loyal.

Dean cannot understand, and he cannot speak.

_You mean too much to me. To everything._

Castiel is standing still, chin up, like a soldier that swallows his fear and jumps right into the trench. Castiel is staring at Dean, and even through the tears veiled over his blue eyes, Dean can see the fondness that Castiel looks at him with.

He doesn’t want to be this far from Cas any longer.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁

Dean lets Sam take the car keys. He doesn’t object when Mary sits shotgun.

He slides into the backseat next to Castiel. Their knees brush.

Castiel is still visibly shaken. He is staring forward, at nothing in particular, it seems. His jaw is clenched tightly, and his hands fumble in his lap.

It startles Dean for a moment, how intensely Castiel is clearly feeling, when he wasn’t supposed to feel anything in the first place. He had been a warrior, a perfect and divine being, who didn’t feel pain, or sadness, or guilt. But now Castiel has a look on his face that makes Dean’s chest pang. Castiel wasn’t supposed to feel, but he is feeling right now, he is feeling so much, and he said so much, before, and it hits Dean so hard and fast that it makes his head spin.

He hesitates before taking hold of Cas’s hands in his own. His thumb rubs gently across Castiel’s knuckles.

Cas’s breath hitches. Dean’s heart aches.

_This sad, doomed little world, it needs you._

He wants to pull Castiel closer. He wants to reach out and touch him, let him know that he is there, and he is ready. He wants to feel every part of Castiel there is to feel, he wants to bear his soul to the angel next to him. He wants to show Cas that he isn’t afraid anymore.

But sitting side by side, in the backseat of his car, all he can bring himself to do is squeeze Cas’s hands a little tighter.

𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁𐄙𐄁

The rest of the ride back to the Bunker was silent. Castiel had turned to the window, watching the trees and stars and the seemingly endless road underneath them whirr by.

Dean held on to Cas’s hands the entire time, and Cas never pulled away.

When they finally make it back, Sam and Mary walk together to the kitchen. Dean and Cas linger in the map room, neither of them knowing where to go from here.

Dean still can’t let go of his hand.

He leads Castiel slowly through the halls, heading to his room. Cas stops short in front of the doorway.

Dean tugs his wrist lightly. Cas’s eyes widen.

“Do you want me to-"

“Yes,” Dean cuts him off, and he can’t help but smile. “Yes.”

Cas steps inside, eyes flicking all around the room, as if he’s seeing it for the first time.

Dean watches as Cas slowly lets go of his hand, walking around, looking at Dean’s pictures and keepsakes. He watches as Cas turns back towards him, and that familiar soft smile of content appears on his face, his kind eyes making Dean’s heart twist in adoration.

He pulls Cas into a tight hug, burying his face in the spot between Castiel’s shoulder and neck. He breathes in Cas, and everything he is, and everything he means to him.

“You saved me. You saved all of us.”

“I did what anyone would have-“

“No, Cas. You saved me. You always save me.”

He whispers the last part so quietly, Castiel almost missed it.

“How could I not?” Cas whispers back.

Dean pulls his head up just enough to see Cas’s face. He feels Castiel’s hand come up to touch his cheek, and he leans into it, closing his eyes. It feels so long overdue, the feeling of Cas holding him, touching him, loving him. He had been afraid for so long, he had tried to swallow it down, tried to keep himself from wanting it, from hoping for it.

But now, with Cas holding him so gently, so lovingly, Dean can’t believe he had kept himself from this for so long.

Castiel speaks softly, not breaking away from Dean. “I can’t watch you sacrifice yourself. I can't watch you throw yourself away. You are- you are worth so much, _so much_ , Dean, and I-"

He stops suddenly, blinking around what must be tears. His voice lowers even more. “I can’t let it happen. So if there is any way that I can keep you from giving yourself over, I will….I will do anything to save you from it.”

Dean swallows. “I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t do it again, Dean. Please.”

Dean presses his forehead to Cas’s.

“I won’t. I promise.”

And then Cas softly presses his lips to Dean’s. Their souls are intertwined, their hearts beating against each other’s, and Dean swears he can feel Castiel’s grace, he can feel Castiel’s essence, and it makes this so sacred. It makes everything sacred.

Even after they stop, Dean doesn’t pull away.

He can’t. Not anymore, and not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter: daylightcas
> 
> neve's twitter: bigsamisokay


End file.
